BLOG #22 - On a more personal note…

I have written a lot in the past about places, my work, frustrations, people and events, but I have not really talked much about how I am feeling on a more personal level about this experience. I think an important part of explaining my year in Zambia involves a description of how I'm maturing, growing and evolving. I will not attempt to explain all the things I've been thinking about here or all the events that have made a major impact on the way I look at the world, but I thought I should try to talk a little about how it is emotionally to be here.



This experience is not easy, but I'm happy.



I was told by the two Project Managers that preceded me, that while working in the Camp "your emotional pendulum swings further both ways." I don't think I truly understood them until after I had spent a couple of months here. It's not that I feel emotionally unstable, but I've never experienced more days where I've been so happy, so sad, so lonely, so frustrated and so excited all in one day (or sometimes all in a matter of hours).



Emotions run high in the Camp for everyone. The refugees are trying to make the most out of the basic food, shelter and limited community services that are provided for them. Furthermore, many of the refugees fear going home even now that they are safe to return home (and some even fear living in the Camp) because of their past or simply because of the way they look. The UNHCR sraff are trying to provide care and services with very limited budgets, so we never feel that we are truly satisfying any of the needs in the Camp. Zambians want the refugees out as soon as possible. And, FORGE is just trying to fill in the gaps in service that UNHCR cannot fill without stepping on anyone's toes. It's a constant battle of trying to survive and to help but not having the means to do all you want to do.



While I have my bad days, deep down I know that I'm happy being able to help in any way I can and that I'm really enjoying all I'm learning through my work. This experience constantly pushes me outside my comfort zone and forces me to face things and question things that I never would have otherwise. I've had to learn how to be lonely and how to get through problems without a friend to talk to. I've learned what things make me happy and how to work with people who I don't agree with on most things. And, I think the most important thing I've learned is how important friends and family are to me. Sometimes you have to get away for a little while to truly see how truly lucky you are.



And that was only the first 6 months…

xoxo